A Man’s Beauty “Mma Nwoke”
“How is married life?” a friend of mine asked her newly married girlfriend. “More yeast infection is all I can boast of right now” was her not very happily ever after response. Is it me or are women getting more and more disillusioned at the pursuit of happiness via marriage.
Most of you already know that I analyze everything. Lately I have been analyzing the fact that most of my married friends try to hook up their single friends so they too can get married while at the same time complaining or accepting that being married is a cross they have to carry. They definitely don’t paint the happily ever after picture some of us single ladies have in our mind’s eye when we think about finally meeting that Mr. Right.
Notice I didn’t say that my married friends try to hook me up. Maybe it is because they have all given up on me, but the fact that I often get “you are lucky, you are single” by some of them sends a different message across.
I don’t have all the answers but the more I analyze this particular issue, the more I feel the reason women are getting more and more disillusioned about being happy in marriage is that while men have stayed on the matter in looking for the beauty of a woman before they decide to marry her, it appears that a lot of women especially those that are quite miserable in their marriages completely skipped this basic step in deciding who you choose to say “I do” to.
Back in the days in Igbo land, this process was very simplified. A woman’s beauty “Mma Nwanyi” was character “ugwu” and a man’s beauty “mma nwoke” was in the amount of money he has. A lot of our mothers had/has successful happy marriages with this simple guide. My girlfriend once told me that she has always only dated men with money because at a much early age she realized that men are work so you are better off getting some money with the package. My girlfriend is happily married to a wealthy man today and sometimes, I wish I had met her when I was younger.
I can already hear some of you saying money is not everything and yes, this is a very simplified definition of “Mma nwoke” and “Mma nwanyi” but every woman should define what a man’s beauty for her is before getting into a marriage relationship so that she can be happy in the marriage. Today for men a woman’s beauty has evolved to several things but the important thing is that my married guy friends can easily tell me one tangible non-feeling related trait that convinced them to marry the wives they have today. For one it was her humility part of “ugwu” and for another it was her sexual prowess, but the story changes when I talk to my female friends. “I fell in love with his charming smile” is not the path to happiness.
So for those of us who are still lucky to be single (yep I consider me very lucky), and I should probably say unmarried cos for me its either single or married so take no offence beaux!! I want to urge you to define your “Mma nwoke” and ensure that the next guy you date has that before you commit your heart and your life to them. Do it for God because how can you convince sinning single girls like us that that marriage is God’s will for us when we are not seeing you in a life we can aspire to.
It will be nice to hear what a man’s beauty means for you so if you have taken time to think about it, do share your definitions on the comment box.
God Bless.
Cheers!
My darling dearest, I can't say that I disagree with you…there are many instances I sit back and think of how much easier things could be if i was 'single' …for me 'Mma nwoke' should be a provider and a protector, these innate characters goes beyond how rich a man is…I have come to learn that all marriages are not equal, we are living in a selfish human race where you have everyone looking out for themselves first, this is the true problem with unhappy marriages. Most married couples today were once individuals living their lives autonomously as adults but are now in a union that almost always seems as if there are two clashing leaders onboard. Any married couple who truly knows God's plan will understand that it is in selflessness that great rewards come, I believe there is a greater reward in being married and living in selfless love than in being 'unmarried' and trying to do the same. It is within the union of marriage that one can truly live for another selflessly. Perhaps this is why God highlights the union of marriage in the same light as His love for mankind i.e. "husbands love your wives as God loves the church and gave His life for it and likewise, wives obey your husbands as your Lord and master on earth". Now see why marriage is actually a lot less easier than being single. It is God's will we must aim to fulfill and not ours. I agree with you that "those of us who are still lucky to be single" have the opportunity to define and commit to the "mma nwoke" of their choice, if you find a noble man of good character, commit to him only if he is God fearing. However keep in mind that this is going to be the marriage journey of fulfilling God's plan and not just carnal desires of the "facade" tagged to marriage and realize that the reward from God for doing this far exceeds being single and having all the pleasures and satisfaction you can get or getting already, for that's all you can get and nothing more. My commentary on this matter is not to elude anyone to the picture perfect lives of married couples but rather to highlight the greater meaning and benefit of the union of marriage as ordained by God. My "mma nwoke" as I said earlier is a provider and a protector, that's what I ask from God everyday of the man He has partnered me with. No matter if you are single or married, ask God for the partner you want always.
Thank you for your contribution sis and for pointing out that even in marriage you can still pray for and work towards a more 'beautiful' spouse.
Thank you for your contribution sis and for pointing out that even in marriage you can still pray for and work towards a more 'beautiful' spouse.