A Single Mom’s Rant
Some days I wish I wasn’t born. Or I wish I were born a man and not a woman. Why do I have to bear the brunt of the hell that is earth? Why did I birth children no man wanted? Why didn’t I abort them?
Judge me all you want. I don’t see you sending me money to feed them, cloth them, house them, educate them; You don’t buy them toys that make them happy, buy them shoes that make them happy, pay for activities that make them happy. Or get things to keep them healthy and safe.
Yes, you, sitting as my judge. You don’t babysit while I get some rest. You don’t reduce my never-ending agony.
Yes, I hate being a woman.
You say, “no one told her to spread her legs,” but you aren’t more pious than me. My sin is having unprotected sex. Yet he also had unprotected sex. And still he doesn’t suffer as I do. He doesn’t have to listen to the constant chatter of squabbling children who demand attention all the time. He doesn’t have to worry about detention, conduct grades, rent, unemployment, lack of medical insurance and how to keep up with the never-ending bills.
I am tired.
Tired of having no help.
Tired of being a woman.
Tired of being a mom.
Tired of being alive.
Right now as I watch over a sick child by midnight, I pray I don’t need to make a midnight emergency room run and that I don’t endanger his life having him home. I say my prayers, as I wash loads of laundry. The boys need clean basketball uniforms for an 8 a.m. game. I am calm. I accept my cross and remain full of gratefulness for all the great things going for me. Sometimes, however, I can’t help but rant, mostly to myself. Then it sounds like what I decided put down on paper two days ago.
God created the world. He made man and then a woman as his helper. Why is it that lots of women now do the job men were created to do? It feels like the only thing men want is the fun part of making a baby. As soon as you enlist them in the work part, like changing diapers, staying up late, doing homework, paying for school, food and other basic needs, you get called names. You are left to do everything by yourself. Yea, some of them are OK going out making money. Just don’t tell them to pay spousal or child support to the women stuck at home? That’d be unfair.
I am a single mom. I have been so since my first son was born almost 12 years ago. I never knew how it felt to depend on someone else to think about what is best for the kids. I drive myself crazy sometimes; as I obsess whether a decision I make is the right one. With no one to run it over, it is so much harder to do so.
Some women do not start out as single moms and had some help, or maybe just an appearance of help and then for one reason or the other they end up a single mom. There is another group of single moms: They are married, sometimes for real, in which case a man comes home to them every night. Or sometimes the marriage is just on paper, via phone or Skype, where their husbands come home less than an out-of-town boyfriends sees his girlfriend.
This last group is the reason I now believe that I suffer not as a single mom, but as a mother. This group has me thanking God I am a SINGLE, single mom. Unlike them, I don’t have an additional mouth to feed, clothe, and clean up after. Indeed I thank God I have no other person to bounce off decisions on because it’s hard enough to give up retirement savings or LV purses for piano lessons without having someone else yell, “It’s a waste of money.” I hope none of my married friends take offence. I only speak out from my pain.
When stressed I’d say some really horrible things to my kids, like “I should just give you away”, or “You just hate me and want to kill me.” Afterwards I felt like the worst mom on earth. That is, until I heard another mother use similar words. Then I remember that growing up, my mom said some pretty cruel words to me. It is only now I realize how stressed she must have been. And even then we had a nanny.
I rarely have someone else who worries about the little things, like making sure uniforms are washed and ironed on time, and the home is clean so I can focus on meals, money and bills. While it may sound like male bashing, I assure you, I only ask for help. Guys could make life a little better for kids, themselves and everyone else, if they only assisted hapless moms.
I cannot conclude this post without giving the girls who are yet to be mothers some advice. This is what I wish my mom had told me when I was younger. A good friend of mine mentioned she had decided early on to date only men with money. I wish I had met her years ago. Instead I grew up with girls who wanted to be engineers and doctors and be as rich as any guy. Meanwhile my mom told me that I should never have a child and expect a man to take care of the child because “men don’t take care of children.” I was so convinced I could and should make enough money to take care of my children. I therefore stayed away from rich guys.
My advice to girls is that they should be like my friend: Date ONLY men with money. Because money is the only problem you can count on a man to solve for you as a mother. He won’t solve your pregnancy problems, he won’t change enough diapers or clean up the house after the kids. He may not even help with homework or teach the kid to swim or ride a bike.
My friend employs a nanny, and yes, she is in America. Her kids are in a good private school, which I couldn’t afford on my engineer’s salary. Best of all, I have never heard my friend say really mean things to her kids.
So only date a guy with money, even if you plan to get a good education and get a cushy job.
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For those of us who did not get this good advice and are super stressed, I would love to start a Single mom’s club. A support group like the one the group of women on Tyler Perry’s movie “The Single’s Mom’s Club” formed. Five or six women who come together regularly to support each other emotionally to find balance in this world where a woman who God created with the limited strength of a helper has to be in charge.