On the Onerous act of Forgiveness…
The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.
– Mahatma Gandhi
God spoke to me in church last Sunday. At about the time, the priest preached a Homily I have since forgotten. HIS voice came into my heart with an alarming request. HE asked me to reach out to the fathers of my children. This is probably the toughest thing I will have to do this year. I am a child that obeys God, so I set forth doing this task the way I begin any task, by thinking excessively about it.
I concluded that since my older son is 11 years old and has his own phone and e-mail address, all I had to do was talk to him about it. The decision to proceed and communicate his dad would be up to him. I gave him his dad’s e-mail address should he choose to proceed. He sent the e-mail, got a reply with a phone number, which he will probably call. Done!
The thinking phase for my younger son continued until last night when I resolved to send an e-mail to his dad. I have been reading Dale Carnegie’s How to win Friends & Influence People and I thought it would be a good way to practice some of my learning. Even with all the great tips from Dale Carnegie, it was hard to find the right words to get across to someone who seemed to disagree with me in every way imaginable. Drafting my e-mail was an arduous task. Even more daunting is the wait for a response. Have I opened an old wound to have salt drizzled on it? Now I wait….
I have tears in my eyes this morning over an event years past. I cry as I read hurtful e-mails a ‘friend’ sent to me. I have decided to send a reconciliatory e-mail. To forgive someone is one of the hardest things to do. Even if the person repents and pleads your forgiveness, it will still be difficult if the person offended you. But to forgive a person who hurt you without them asking for forgiveness is an immense feat.
Why are human beings so hurtful? What did I ever do to deserve such affront? Do I have to be the one to reach out considering ‘he/she’ was the one that hurt me? They should beg for my forgiveness. Why is being a Christian so difficult? They hurt me, why can’t God make them come to their senses and ask me for forgiveness? Do I deserve the humiliation of reaching out to them? My questions become more existential. Why did God make me a woman? A distressed, unappreciated, emotional woman. Silent tears become a noiseless wail as emotions get the best of me.
This year’s Easter has brought forgiveness into my heart in all sorts of ways. For instance, a friendship that ended two years ago in a very bitter argument and separation—far worse than anything I experienced in my teenage dramatic years—was recently regenerated due to no deed of mine. I got a message from my friend on LinkedIn, not an “I am sorry” message unfortunately J, but a simple message asking to reconnect. After thanking God, I responded and in a few days I may be seeing a good old friend for the first time a long time. And meeting I get to ‘his/her’ their one year old daughter for the first time.
NB: If you have an old friend or a family member who greatly hurt you and you would like to make peace with, even if it is not for your own sake but for God’s sake or the sake of something besides you like your child, your family, etc. Please contact me and I would be happy to share my e-mail and some of the great things I have learned along the way.
Cheers!
God Bless