Insecurity Part I
Wednesday Oct 15th, 2014 10:42pm
I have made this blog about me and with this particular blog post I will be opening myself to judgements and attacks from people who believe they are gods but my friends know that I put my life out there and I do this because I know something that a lot of people don’t know or choose to forget and that is that only God can judge me, only God has the right to judge me and HE already knows all my sins so being a saint in any human beings eyes do not put food on my table or pay my bills. Enjoy J.
Tonight Chibuikem Oga Dr. Udeke from Nigeria also known as Chibuikem or Aaron asked me to come and sleep in his bed until he falls asleep. He was taking too long to fall asleep (preferring to laugh like a silly cat that he is J). I started singing him nursery rhymes and the nursery rhyme “My Mother” came to me. I started to sing it to him and he finally slept while I saw myself shedding tears although I didn’t quite understand why. I remember loving to sing that song a lot as a kid and never once do I remember it making me cry. Maybe the fact that I am on my period is to blame or maybe its just that this song outlines some of the under appreciated work of women. I have always believed that women are over worked and under appreciated, but the fact that right now, I don’t have a paying job yet I am always so busy make me wonder how we women cope with all that we do and why a lot of us down play these huge endeavors.
Why do women down play their importance in this world? So much so that the world has reduced our worth. If you don’t think a woman’s worth should be more than it is now, close your eyes and imagine a world where men gave birth to babies. How much would we have to pay for one baby in that world? I say a lot! Why do women feel the need to be humble but men don’t? Humility is a Christian virtue so why is it always described as a good thing in a woman but not so much in a man? Why are a lot of good women very insecure while the worst of men feel very confident in their self worth? I always have so many questions about human beings, but not so much about technology as most engineers have. This is why I have decided that a PhD in Psychology, or Sociology would be more my cup of tea than a PhD in Engineering. Still deciding on which education path to walk. Indecision some may say is a sign of insecurity. I guess “we are all insecure” as a fellow woman recently told me.
I shouldn’t talk about insecurity without telling you all a juicy story of my recent brush with the word and why it has been on my mind a lot lately. Let me start by saying I have been very bad. You know how you are supposed to stay above people who try to goad you. Recently I failed in doing this and got into a LinkedIn (yes, I know of all places!) word war with the wife of a guy I worked with during my internship days. I was looking at the comments on some of my old blog posts and I saw the same not so nicecomment on two different posts left by the same person using a blogger account they opened with a fake name just to post those comments. The comment started with “How is John Doe?” John Doe is being used in place of the name of the husband of this woman who claimed in her not so nice comment that I had an affair with her husband and let me know how she prays to lay eyes on me one day so she could deal with me. Lol! At the time the name John Doe only rang a bell to me because I remember getting a LinkedIn invite from the name.
To Be Continued…..