Love and faithfulness keep a king safe; through love his throne is made secure. Proverbs 20:28
Last month I went to Baton Rouge, Louisiana and spent time with some good friends I hadn’t seen in a while. I inquired about mutual friends and acquaintances; you know how these reunions go. I was quite saddened by the news that a couple I admired got divorced. “A nasty divorce”, is the way my friend put it. She went on to narrate that “the wife turned the kids against him” in a bitter separation and custody battle.
This story connected in my brain with something another friend told me about his ex-wife. He said they didn’t have a good relationship because she is so antagonistic and even tried to get full custody of the kids during their divorce with all sorts of claims on how he physically abused the kids.
One thing is certain; divorce hurts both men and women. A divorced man shrinks his disposable income, sometimes pretty drastically, and whether he believes it or not, being divorced carry a scar that could reduce or eliminate his chances of marrying a girl he meets down the line. Lastly, the emotional scars of a bungled marriage also lodges in the heart of men as it does women.
Considering these reasons, men need more marriage and relationship advice if we are to improve the quality of today’s marriages and lower divorce rates. Women are an over advised group. Every corner you turn, on the Internet, in church, in magazines on radio, or TV women are assailed with advice. This has made for a generation of women who are much better prepared for marriage relationships than their male counterparts and as we all know it takes two.
I have two sons, three brothers, and lots of male cousins, friends and even ex-boyfriends that could benefit from relationship advice so here goes….
On the issue that women never forgets. I agree that women hold unto hurts more than men just as I agree that men are more childlike than women and I don’t say this in a supercilious way. This art of being artless is one that is wordy of emulation as a Christian, and one that my mother insists will see more cheating husbands in heaven than their unforgiving pious wives. That is a story for another day.
Dearest men folk, women never forget because men never apologize. Hurting a woman’s feelings and saying let us get past this is not a good way to preserve a healthy relationship. Women need to hear “I am sorry”, we may even need to see “I am sorry”. It is easier to truly forgive someone and forget the hurt they caused you when you believe they are sorry for hurting you. Believe it or not this is also applicable to our relationships with our fellow women.
I have heard a lot of men say, “I didn’t mean to hurt you”, not the same as “I am sorry for hurting you”. It doesn’t matter if there was intent to hurt or not. What matters is that the one you love and made your wife is hurt and you should apologize sincerely and truly try to do better in that sphere.
I hope that you guys find this piece of advice useful. I would love to hear your comments.
Cheers
Nice write up! It also saddens me on the rate of broken homes we see/hear of now. Marriage is sth ppl shd go into with caution. Then again how careful can you be, I believe it boils down ultimately to praying to God and asking Him to bless us with His spiritual gift of discernment.
Beautiful write up….
I totally agree with you on the "l am sorry" phrase from men. I couldn't have said it better. You hardly hear the word I am sorry from men and this is not just from an ex, it is with men (brother, friend, husband, boy friend etc) generally.
I do hope men every where could read this cos it sure would benefit them and make this world we live in a little better. The simple statement "I am Sorry" goes a long way and does make a huge difference.
Thanks Ngo. A spirit of discernment is definitely an important attribute in choosing the right spouse. I for one definitely think that a lot of men are selling themselves cheap by giving only a tiny fraction of what we know a man can give. My prediction is that sooner or later women will begin to realize in multitudes that half bread may be better than none but a moldy half bread may make you worse than if you had no bread at all. I'm attempting to raise my son's to give their all and I hope more women will do the same.
Thanks Sophie. Please share this article with the men in your life. Good luck getting them to read 🙂